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One of the best and most difficult lessons you can learn in life is that no one owes you anything and you owe yourself everything.
Unknown (via deeplifequotes)
ryd-or-die
It happens slow, erosion. One day you wake up and you’re five and the summer stretches in front of you like the first morning yawn. Everything’s golden and fresh cut grass perfumes the breeze and you can’t count how many of these days you have left but you’re sure it’s plenty, just plenty. Three months is forever.
It happens slow, like erosion. You forget the day your mom puts you down and doesn’t pick you up again. “You’ll need this in middle school” was the only reason you learned script with such precision. Your name was never so beautiful until the people you love held each syllable in their mouth with care. You never needed script again.
Erosion comes for your teenage years in greedier grabs, fingernails dig into your youth as you pull away from the cocoon of your childhood. Crying comes from scrapes on your heart instead of your knees, and mom is there to hold you but she can’t lift you up quite like she used to anymore. Everything is wrong and your skin doesn’t fit. You wish you’d grow up sooner because things make sense, things are supposed to make sense when you file your taxes and pay your bills, when life is linked to a name that you don’t know how to wear anymore. You’ll learn when you’re older, right?
Suddenly you’re in your twenties and things make less sense than ever and time has eroded all that you knew and loved. Memories of when you were five are all washed in golden sepia like a polaroid you expected to live in color forever. Last time you checked, you did have forever - you swore you had forever left. But too suddenly you’re in your mid twenties and you’re clinging by your fingernails to anything that makes sense, anything that gives you the same feeling you got when your mom would pick you up and hold you tight, like the world couldn’t touch you. Your skin still doesn’t fit but it’s supposed to by now, everyone told you it would fit by now, but too suddenly you realize that no one knows what the fuck they’re talking about and no one gets mad at you for saying “fuck” anymore. People are succeeding and people are dying and life can touch you now. Life can choke you.
I thought I had forever but I’ve lost yesterday too. I only know how to grow up; no one taught me how to live. How the fuck do I pay taxes. Mom I miss you I don’t want to do this anymore